


The Alien Conspiracy

by christchex



Series: RNM Week [4]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alien Conspiracies, Alternate Universe, Audio Format: MP3, Gen, Podcast, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 13:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19993000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christchex/pseuds/christchex
Summary: Welcome to the only podcast hosted by someone who hatched from a pod. This is The Alien Conspiracy and I’m your host Rath.





	The Alien Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

> This was written and recorded for day 5 of RNM Week. The prompt was AU... except I'm basically made up of AUs and rarely do anything else... so I went in a slightly different direction and did something that I thought was silly, questionably in character, and just fun. Also, something that was actually in line with the format I've been using.
> 
> The song used for the intro (under the layers of voices) is Boring Machine Disturbs Sleep by Mogwai.

The Alien Conspiracy

* * *

Recording (and recommended format for enjoyment) [can be found here.](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vO9cE1KvaDwzFoAlCLy1Vhco91-qQ5Th)

* * *

[Intro Music]

[A voice, manipulated so that you can’t recognize if it’s male or female.]

Welcome to the only podcast hosted by someone who hatched from a pod. This is The Alien Conspiracy and I’m your host Rath. For those of you who are joining us for the first time, yes I am from outer space. No, I will not probe you… unless you ask nicely.

[A pause.]

We’re here to talk about different historical events and how other aliens interfered with your human history. No, not like _Ancient Aliens_. Here at The Alien Conspiracy we firmly disagree with the assumption that early societies didn’t have the capabilities to create these amazing feats of engineering. Just gonna say it, it wasn’t aliens y’all are just racist.

[Distant laughter.]

Sorry, that was my sister laughing.

Today we’re finally going into the topic I get the most emails about: Roswell, New Mexico. 

The year is 1947. Roswell is a sleepy town in New Mexico, near a military base. Now, it’s important to understand that the US Air Force only became its own branch of military in 1947. I’m not saying it’s because of the alien threat, but I do think they are connected.

Why, you ask? Because I don’t believe aliens ever crash landed in Roswell. It’s suspicious, that that very year the Air Force was created an 'alien threat' appeared! The Air Force that tested questionable technology- bombs, jets, experiments with radiation- and they liked doing it in the middle of the desert, careless of the impact on the people who lived there and the often Native land they worked on.

Yes. I’m saying that the Air Force covered up an experiment gone wrong with the story of ‘aliens’ to frighten people away… little did they know…

-

[Intro Music.]

[A voice, manipulated so that you can’t recognize if it’s male or female.]

Welcome to the only podcast hosted by someone who hatched from a pod. This is The Alien Conspiracy and I’m your host Rath. If you’re joining us for the first time, welcome! I come in peace. Unlike some of those other aliens I’ve been telling you about.

Today’s episode involves me answering mail! [Pause. A disbelieving scoff in the background.] I can’t actually believe we have enough listeners to even get mail! Let’s get to it!

From GreenManManderly on twitter:

> Stop bullshitting, you’re not an alien

I will have you know that my pod and I are very much alien in origin, thank you. My mother and I came to this planet as refugees, were separated, and I was raised without here. There’s nothing more American Alien than that.

Now an email this time, from Julia FakeLastName:

You really opened my eyes to how many unexplained and weird things have happened in history! You’re right, it makes so much sense if you think about it! Humans don’t have the capabilities to do some of these things! Plus, it makes sense why the government never revealed who killed Kennedy! It was aliens!

> Julia, I’m so glad we could open your eyes to the truth. I know many people think that we’re just entertainment, but we genuinely want to spread the truth. And the truth is that aliens are real. I’m right here. My sister’s right behind me giving me a look of disgust! Say ‘hi’ Vilandra!

[Vilandra, presumably, in the background: no.]

Aliens are real. Some are a threat. They could even be serial killers. Most aliens aren’t, they’re your local barista, or that really hot dude you passed at the bar. Just like some humans are a threat and some aren’t. You just have to stay aware.

-

[Intro Music.]

[A voice, manipulated so that you can’t recognize if it’s male or female.]

Welcome to the only podcast hosted by someone who hatched from a pod. This is The Alien Conspiracy and I’m your host Rath. This is just a PSA and a little bit of housekeeping.

I want to talk about a few things, primarily how people need to stop projecting human standards on nonhumans.

I am not a human. I am an alien. I don’t need your heteronormativity. I don’t need to subscribe to your narrow views of gender and sexuality. As far as I know, bisexuality is the norm on my planet. The only alien I know who isn’t bisexual has been in love with the same person for like, twenty years so he should not be counted.

Bisexual alien blast people. Fuck, we should just put it in the show notes.

Now for the house keeping! We have a Patreon with bonus material set up, including compilations of my sister insulting me as I do this podcast, which I generally edit out. Also a segment I like to call “Aliens in America” where we discuss famous American figures and why they probably aren’t from this world. Subscribe today to keep this podcast running.

  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [the alien conspiracy (remixed)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409503) by [Milzilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milzilla/pseuds/Milzilla)




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